I wanted to write; I couldn’t write. I wanted to write, I couldn’t write, I didn’t want to write, I didn’t write. I didn’t write. Now I am beginning to write again. Two kinds of depression: the one you realize you are sliding into and the one you realize you are sliding out of. Both contribute to the writing of elliptical novels. In the middle, a thick, colorless morass. This third kind is maybe the realest. No writing gets done during this time. But it’s still real.
ahhh this was so beautiful and all too real (like all your writing). i'm hesitant to even comment because of how deeply this hits, and how much i can relate. especially the part about how writing is both a salve and a sign, in times of depression. i was just thinking about this recently too, the act of writing helps you realize you're starting to get better, but also makes the dark places less real, and maybe even harder to explore, regardless of how numbingly painful they might have been to sit in. i especially connected to this line: "I’m the burr in my own throat, convinced I am impossible to love; convinced everything good in my life is abandoning me. " thank you for your writing larissa, i always look forward to your newsletters and am super excited to read your new novel. will pick up ferrante--"antidote to being unfixed" sold me on it <3
how it feels
ahhh this was so beautiful and all too real (like all your writing). i'm hesitant to even comment because of how deeply this hits, and how much i can relate. especially the part about how writing is both a salve and a sign, in times of depression. i was just thinking about this recently too, the act of writing helps you realize you're starting to get better, but also makes the dark places less real, and maybe even harder to explore, regardless of how numbingly painful they might have been to sit in. i especially connected to this line: "I’m the burr in my own throat, convinced I am impossible to love; convinced everything good in my life is abandoning me. " thank you for your writing larissa, i always look forward to your newsletters and am super excited to read your new novel. will pick up ferrante--"antidote to being unfixed" sold me on it <3